You’ve known for some time now: it’s coming. The Day. You’ve filled up your week with work tasks and have tried to stay inordinately busy. You’ve found yourself shouting self-help mantras in inappropriate places (I REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM). You’ve stocked up on delicious food and liquor because you know these items will never leave you for their co-worker who will not be named (Todd). There’s no getting around it — if you don’t have a significant other to spend the evening with, Valentine’s Day can feel like a swift kick to the groin. By an NFL punter. Wearing steel-toed boots.
Well, I’ve got good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that you’re still alone, bereft of love, in a cold and desolate universe. The good news? It turns out the internet is an AMAZING date, perhaps even superior to an actual flesh-and-blood person. So here’s the plan: put on some comfortable clothes, pour yourself a stiff drink, and read D-Link’s Lonely Hearts Guide to Valentine’s Day. We’ll get through this together. Promise.
RomCom Netflix Binge
True love and lasting intimacy? Who needs ‘em when you’ve got hours and hours of romantic comedies to stream on Netflix! Whether you like yours brainy (The Artist, Manhattan), schmaltzy (An Officer and a Gentleman), or McConaughey’d (Failure to Launch), you can have your cake and eat it too. And by that I mean you’ll be eating cake (lots of cake) while watching these awesome-to-awful gems. When someone at the office asks who you spent Valentine’s Day with, you can say “Ryan Gosling” or “Natalie Portman” and then share a long laugh together. Just don’t let them see that deep, painful sigh afterwards. Don’t you dare.
Order Food from the Indent of Your Couch
Tonight is not the night for slaving over a hot stove cooking a meal for one, so our new plan is to order out, for three! With apps like GrubHub and Eat24, you can order sandwiches, pizza, thai, and spicy soup, proving once and for all you don’t give a pho about Valentine’s Day. And don’t forget the booze. Whether you use Amazon Fresh, InstaCart or Vons Delivery, these apps make it frighteningly easy to bring you a Tom Collins until an actual Tom Collins (that good looking dude at the coffee shop) comes along.
Play Matchmaker. For Yourself.
The beautiful intern with the tattoos hasn’t noticed you at work yet. Your friends are all married and have turned “anti-single” almost overnight. An ill-advised text is all prepped to send to your ex when suddenly it hits you – I don’t need to do this! When fate doesn’t offer the goods, Match or Tinder has your back. After all, what’s more romantic than an algorithm? Seriously though, there’s a reason online dating is so wildly popular – no matter what you’re into, they’ve got someone who’s likely just about perfect for you. Looking for a Twihard Neil Diamond fan who shares your religious views and lives within a couple miles of you? You got it. This Valentine’s Day, you aren’t alone. You’re looking. And that’s proactive, right? Brb, got a match.
When All Else Fails – Stalk. And Stalk Well.
When midnight rolls around and you’re half-soused on happy juice and covered in the crumbs of your second Reuben, you know what time it is – that’s right, stalking time. Fire up your social media platform of choice and go to town. Volume is the name of the game here, quantity over quality. That means we’re looking at exes and crushes alike. Try to move as quickly as possible to stay ahead of the wave of shame, jealousy, and satisfaction. This is the purge, after all. After the night you’ve had, you need it.
There’s nothing left to do but pass out in your overly large bed and wake up ready to own the morning. The truth is, while it’s nice to have someone by your side, you don’t need anybody else. The internet’s got your back and so do we. When the going gets rough, repeat after me:
Some of us have a wife. Some of us have wifi.
And to make sure the only thing getting dropped off is your 3rd food delivery and not your connected devices check out our latest networking devices here.